Jeopardy: Feline Edition
by Irk Splee
Summary: Something I scribbled with a friend. She thought it'd be worthy of putting up. Leo of VG Cats, Waffle of Catscratch, and a Neopet named Ary participate in a game of Jeopardy that results in disaster.


Some things are best not asked about. This is the result of a 3 in the AM chat discussion, an enjoyment of several fictional characters, and lots of Saturday Night Live, specifically the Celebrity Jeopardy skits. In case you aren't familiar with them, the Celebrity Jeopardy skits are a lot like a game of the trivia show Jeopardy- only the contestants either have no interest in playing or are incredibly moronic. So, me and my friend came up with an idea- what if we stuck some familiar characters (and a couple of our own) into the mix? This is the sad result. Quick character blurbs...

Ellie- Original character. Just a regular nothing-special human. This whole mess was her idea.

Jenn- Original character. A catgirl. Ellie's best friend. She and Ellie are the hosts, since Alex Trebek was... ehm, unavailable. Jenn is the more easily provoked of the two hosts. While Ellie attempts to grin and bear it, Jenn is quickly reduced to snarky comments and screaming.

Waffle Cramdilly- From the Nickelodeon cartoon Catscratch. A cat. He's incredibly dim... even his lucky newt doesn't help him in the game.

Aryneail- Original character. A glowing Wocky from the online game Neopets. He's even dumber than Waffle... yeah, that's possible.

Leo Leonardo- From the webcomic VG Cats. A cat. He's not that stupid, just very dirty minded. I think our hosts would have preferred if he was stupid.

Well... on with the show!

THIS IS JEOPARDY, FELINE EDITION! Here's your hosts, Ellie and Jenn!

Zoom in on the hosts' podium. There are two hosts- a regular teenage human and a catgirl. "Hello," says the human, "and welcome to Celebrity Jeopardy. We are your hosts. I am Ellie and this is Jenn. We tried to get Alex, however, he flat out refused."

Jenn stood up straightened her clothes, and then started to speak. "Today's contestants are Waffle, Ary, and Leo. Oh what fun." She rushed through this sentence as if eager to just get this over with.

"Let's get started..." Ellie began, but she was interrupted by a gray cat. He looked human, complete with clothing, except for the fact that he had fur and ears. He also had a collar with a bell. "Wait! Aren't you going to introduce us?" he asked. "They should know who we are!"

"Very well. Our first contestant is Waffle Cramdilly." Ellie indicated another gray cat. The cat smiled stupidly. "I brought Gomez!" he announced, holding up a newt. "He's lucky."

"Right... second is Aryneail... Aryneail... there's no last name on this card."

"I don't gots one." In the middle was a vaugely feline creature, glowing a bright green. Aryneail was actually very short, and rather than stand at the podium, he was sitting on a stool.

"OK then. Just Aryneail. And third..." Ellie sighed exasperatedly, "is Leo Leonardo. Leo, please remember that this is a family show. I'm just saying."

"I'll remember," said Leo, the feline who had interrupted earlier. The look on his face suggested that while he'd remember, he wasn't likely to care.

"OK, categories..." Ellie looked behind her as they were revealed. "Potent Potables..." Leo snickered inappropriately. "I don't think we'll be using that one," Ellie continued.

Jenn continued on announcing the categories. "Next category is, Things That Start With F And End With Uck... oh gee." Leo's snickering escalated into howling laughter.

Ellie groaned. "Why would they...? Never mind. Then there is Animals that Meow..."

Ary immediatly pushed the buzzer."FISH!" he shouted.

"We didn't ask the question yet!" Ellie snapped. Waffle buzzed. "Fish? I want fish!"

"NO!"

"THE GAME HASN'T STARTED," Jenn shouted. "Back to the categories..." she sighed, calming down. "Next is Things That Are Edible. This category involves things that you can eat."

Ellie took over for naming the final two categories. "Next is History... you'll probably bomb that one, so you're likely better off with the final category, Cookies. Waffle, you start." Waffle stared at the categories, and then decided. "I'll take History for 5 dollars!"

Jenn came up to his podium, a phony smile on her face. She went as close to Waffle as possible, and her expression immediately went from pleasantness to rage. "FIVE DOLLARS ISN'T AN OPTION!"

"Just give him 200..." Ellie picked up the card with the question. "He was the first president of the United States."

Ary raised his paw rather eagerly.

"Please use the buzzer, Ary," Ellie requested with more patience than Jenn would have managed.

Ary put his hand down and started making buzzing noises.

"Pick up the buzzer and press the button." Ellie's voice became a bit more stern.

The Wocky started making a buzzing noise with his mouth. "Buzz! Buzz! Pick me! Buzz!"

Ellie sighed and gave in. "Fine. Yes, Ary?"

"Can I have some water?"

"I am sorry, that is incorrect."

Leo buzzed. "He wasn't trying to answer, he wants water..."

"I know." Ellie explained. Her patience was wearing incredibly thin at this point.

Jenn went over to Ellie, grabbed the question and tore it up. "All right. The new question is, 'He was a dude.' All you have to do, is name some person who is a dude. It can even be YOU."

Waffle buzzed in. "Edna Cramdilly!"

Ellie sighed yet again. "No, Waffle..."

The hosts waited in silence for someone to buzz in. The contestants were at their posts and thinking of something. Whatever their thoughts, it was likely not a correct answer. After a few minutes of this, Ellie gave up.

"Just... never mind. Leo, would you like to pick a category?"

"I'll take things that are edible for 800."

Ellie looked at the question. "Why...? I... I'd rather not."

Leo just smiled. "C'mon, you gotta!"

Ellie groaned.A picture of a hot dog appeared on the monitor. "What is this?" She could only imagine what Leo would guess...

The dirty minded cat buzzed in as quickly as possible. "PENIS!"

Ary covered his mouth and gasped. Leaning over, he whispered to Waffle, "He said the p word."

Ellie completely ignored Ary. "NO. And please answer in the form of a question."

"OK. What is... a penis!"

"No."

"But that's what it looks like!"

"No."

"But-"

"NO!"

Waffle was confused. He buzzed in. "What is a penis?"

Ellie clutched the question card in her fist, resisting the urge to punch something. "I already told Leo, that's incorrect!"

"No, really, what is it?"

"...NEXT QUESTION PLEASE!"

Jenn asked Ary to choose a category. "OK..." Ary said. "I'll take... Cookies."

"For how much money?"

Ary frowned. What a difficult question!

Jenn slapped the palm of her hand to her face and just waited.

After several minutes, Ellie grabbed the 1000 card without a word. "This kind of cookie has chocolate chips."

Leo buzzed. "Ding Dong!"

"That's a cake, Leo."

"Who said I meant the cake?"

Ellie decided not even to give Leo a response. After another minute of waiting, Jenn took the palm of her hand off her face. She looked incredibly agitated. "Oh, come ON. No one KNOWS?"

Ary buzzed in. "Is it a sugar cookie?"

Ellie managed to respond before Jenn had a chance to explode and raise the rating of the show several grades. "No... no it is not." The usually calm host was getting incredibly frustrated. "Waffle? Would you like to pick a category? PLEASE?"

Waffle began to have a conversation with Gomez, consisting entirely of high pitched squeaks. "Gomez wants me to pick Words That Start With F and End With Uck for 400."

Ellie grabbed the question card. "This kind of truck-"

Leo buzzed in before Ellie could finish. "What is fu-"

"You know what? Let's move to Final Jeopardy!" Ellie interrupted, desperate to end the thing. "The question is... what game are you playing right now?" The music began to play. Waffle started chewing his pen. Leo was writing entirely too much.

Jenn said contently, more so than she would have liked, "There is no reason, Leo, why you should be writing that much." Leo ignored her tip.

The music stopped. Ellie went to check the podiums. "We'll start with you, Waffle. You wrote... nothing. However, there are tooth marks all over your pen."

"It was crunchy," Waffle responded, perhaps in an attempt to defend his action.

"Good for you. And you wagered... the pen."

Waffle tore the pen off of the wire and offered it to Ellie. The host cringed. "Keep it." She went over to Ary's podium. He was nowhere in sight. Out of curiosity more than anything, Ellie showed Ary's answer. It was a drawing of himself.

Jenn was growing more disgusted by the second. "I ask you, how the hell can a contestant disappear?"

Ellie shrugged. "You know what? I don't care. And Leo... you're still writing. Stop." Leo didn't listen. Jenn had to tear the pen from his hand.

"And you wrote..." Ellie looked at Leo's podium. "DO NOT SHOW HIS ANSWER! Leo, it would appear that you drew. You drew several things."

Leo looked rather proud of himself. "I drew a pen-"

"FAMILY SHOW, Leo. And you wagered... of course. I give up. That's it for Jeopardy... Trebek, you can have them back. Good night." Ellie went to leave. As she turned, she saw Ary at his podium. "How in the world did you get back there without us noticing?"

Ary was rather perplexed. "I was missing?"

"Never mind." Ellie stomped off, Jenn not far behind. Waffle resumed conversing with Gomez, Ary decided to try the pen chewing thing, and Leo resumed his... er, art project.


End file.
